Today my job announced layoffs. I’m glad my department is not affected, but I am still saddened by this news - it is heavy on my heart along with many things. Just feel the need to get it off of my chest. I love a lot of things about my job, and it scares me a little to think about losing it, but I am going through a much greater tragedy to even dwell on that right now.
I’ve only been dealing with my personal tragedy since November 2009. I am experiencing a great deal of pain and grief every day, and sometimes every hour. However, I am getting a lot of support and encouragement from close friends and family and I keep hearing messages and scriptures about fear and faith (2 Tim 1:7). Most of the messages are from these daily devotionals about how to attack fear with faith. I also get a lot of encouraging comments from others about how to be hopeful and that things will get better, but how do they really know? I read that most people who go through what I’m going through believe things will be better afterwards, only to find that they have deep regret and things really aren’t better for them. So I’ve just decided to pray for God’s supernatural direction during this terrible ordeal and that things really will get better. Only God knows.
A few friends have mentioned some scriptures for me to meditate on: Romans 8:28, James 1:17, Numbers 6:24, Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, Matthew 7. I've also found these scriptures for dealing with grief: Psalms 16, 23, 34, 91, John 14:1-27, 2 Corinthians 5:1-9, Phillippians 4:6-13, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, Revelations 21:1-22:5. Its too many to write out, but they have been helpful to me by bringing hope, strength, and peace.
Earlier today, I was listening to a Joyce Meyers message, and she talked about brokenness and what it really means. She said that God breaks us in the right places at the right time, and so much so that we can not do what needs to be done in our lives so we have no choice but to lean on God and let Him do what ONLY GOD can do. I feel like I’m in that place right now. Totally and completely broken, so much so that I hardly have enough energy to get through my daily routine of getting dressed, doing my hair, eating, doing laundry, dishes, etc. It is encouraging to know that others have been through this before, not because it feels good to see others suffer like me, but because I know that other people have gotten through this before. It hasn’t ruined them and they are still living great lives. In Joyce Meyer’s message, she said that Jesus is for everybody, but he was especially for those who were hurting. It is comforting to know that He is with me during this time. I feel like the smallest things that happens only adds to my grief. The fact that my job did layoffs today adds to my grief even though I'm not directly affected. My hurt is deepened by the fact that I’m not close to my family and the fact that a certain family member hasn’t reached out to me yet and has never fully embraced me the way that she should. I’ve never told her how her cruelty and distance in my life has affected me since childhood, so I guess it’s not entirely her fault. I know she probably treats me this way because she’s dealing with her own hurt. Hurting people hurt people they say…
I am crying out for your prayer and encouragement. Please pray for God’s supernatural direction in my life and that I hear His voice and make wise major decisions in the future. Please pray that I will be restored sooner than later and that I will receive God’s favor and beat the odds of having an abundant and prosperous life afterwards. Please pray that my desires will be realigned with God’s will(because I don’t know what His will is for my life anymore). I appreciate all of those who have reached out to me during this time in any way and hope that you know it means a great deal to me. A while ago, I read an alarming statistic that everyone goes through something tragic approximately every 10 years. I hope that it’s not true. It saddens me to know that everyone is going to suffer. If you have ever experienced anything tragic in your life, please let me know what you did to get through it and any words of encouragement. You don’t have to mention any specifics if you don’t feel led.